The Column That Was Supposed to be In Solares Hill Today!

I'm not going to be preempted so easily, this is my column for this week. If you like it, please let Mark Howell know at Solares Hill: mhowell@keysnews.com

As you can read, the title of my column is Manners for Everyday Situations, but what does that mean? It means it’s a column on how to behave well in any situation. Walking around my home town, Key West and traveling the way I do, I am constantly accosted visually and verbally by someone demonstrating bad manners. Sometimes these affronts are made by upstanding citizens whom have been raised properly and are pillars of our community…and I’m not talking bubbas. Good manners are a necessity for everyone, young and old.
Q. I was listening to your radio show the other Friday and heard one of your call-in’s during your discussion on Wedding Manners. The gentleman on the phone asked if you thought it was good manners for a wedding official to ask beach goers to move and make way for a wedding ceremony. You said yes. I disagree. I was there first.
A. Dear Heart, this is precisely what I am talking about regarding the return of civility. Let’s revisit this question. If the wedding is a large production and will require hours of set up etc. then the official should have roped off the section at the opening of the park so no one would settle in. If the wedding requires ten minutes or so, just for the ceremony itself, I’m sure it would be more benefit to your kind reputation to let the wedding go on instead of being a stinker and saying no. Of course it is totally up to you, but in my opinion, it would be bad manners to say no to a bride on her wedding day when it would take so little to accommodate her dream. And how glorious for you to be able to make someone’s dream come true.
Q. The other day I was at a religious service and so I dressed nicely and what I thought appropriately. A very nice woman who is a highly acclaimed professional came up to me and complimented me. I graciously said thank you and told her where I had purchased my dress and what a bargain it was. Because I had been in the retail business, I mentioned that it had been stained with make-up so I asked for an additional discount, which meant I could not return it. She laughed and said, “I know you were the one who put the lipstick on it!” I was incredibly insulted. First of all I would never do that because of my integrity, and second it was make-up, not lipstick. Was I wrong in feeling insulted?
A. Not in my book! And I happen to be writing a book about manners in the bedroom…. But not to digress, this woman obviously spoke without thinking. This is a classic example of bad manners. I can’t tell you how many times someone writes to me telling me of an absolute jaw dropper someone blurted out, usually at some kind of event. All I can think of is that these people are nervous and what they are thinking somehow makes it out of their mouths. People, please think before you speak. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything. If you must, tape your mouth shut and do NOT drink.
Q. I am not married, but in a happy long term relationship; well meaning friends are always trying to fix me up. At times I go to events without my partner. It is in this situation that my well meaning friends sit me next to a single and give the impression I am looking for a relationship. It usually ends up embarrassing both of us. How do I put a stop to this?
A. My darling friend, I totally relate. I too am in the same situation and while I enjoy reciprocal flirting I try to make it very clear that I am spoken for, even though I never let my partner actually speak for me, au contraire! If you are attending a formal dinner party, gently remind your host that you would like to sit next to...and then name someone safe. However, do not assume, just because someone is married, they are safe, pick a friend. Or if you must sit next to the eligible guest out on the prowl, make sure that you pepper the conversation with juicy tidbits about your adored partner. That usually works for me.
Q. I was in a restaurant and could not believe the woman sitting at a table across from me was not only playing with her hair, she was dropping the loose strands on the floor! We were in a very upscale restaurant. What could I do?
A. Dearest...the only thing you could have done would have been to change seats, so you wouldn’t have to watch. The woman clearly was very nervous, as her hair was falling out. Playing with one’s hair, a dead waste product of our body is indeed gross, especially at the dinner table. Personally, I have never been able to understand the attributes given to the person with the fabulous head of hair. I’ll take my men shaved bald anytime, now that’s a sexy look and so versatile.
Send me the latest manner infraction you’ve observed so we can address it, or for answers to your manner questions or comments, e-mail me at: amandapipersmith@aol.com, or call me during my radio program, Manners for Everyday Situations, at 305-294-2769 from 1:00 to 2:00est. on Fridays live on the air at KONK1630am or KONKAM.com. And check out my blog: amandapipersmith.com for more commentary on what’re good and bad manners.